Doctors, particularly those in general practice, are frequently the recipients of extraordinarily confidential, private and personal information about their patients, and sometimes their patients’ families. They also share experiences with their patients which vary from the hilarious to the frightening.

The information from patients may be very sad, depressing and stressful; but at times doctors hear stories that are funny, unusual, titillating, wanton, salacious, sensual, raunchy and just plain erotic. This is a collection of such stories, all true, covering thirty years of medical practice, that will both educate and entertain.

This book shows the enormous variety of attitudes of a wide variety of people, in different places and cultures to illness, disease, privacy, sex and the medical consultation in general. For very obvious reasons, the names of my patients must remain totally anonymous.

All readers should savour and enjoy this feast of lively tales.

This book and the data it contains, are available for publishing or electronic use.

Contents

The Eurasian beauty; The Reubens nude; Initiation; Rings and ribbons; Extra-sensory perception; Fall astride; A wayward device; From the outback; Home delivery; The naked lady; Missed murder?; Gymnastic fracture; Breast popping; Home visits; Totem pole; What blouse?; Wooden ball; Self portrait; Permanent markings; Three balls; Abduction; Beware of glass; Educational video; Anti-climax; German sausage; Ambulance ride; Doctor’s bag; Split asunder; The secretary factor; The ABBA fan; Size & frequency; Vasectomy revenge; F...ing good; Remote control; What wheels?; The tattooed sandwich; Father’s day; Living nightmare; Phone fad; Control freak; After life; Cuckold; Practice pet; Chastity lock; Runaway; Repairman; Oedipus complex; Degradation; The erotic dreams of a menopausal housewife.

BOOK MANUSCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PUBLICATION

Practice Tales

(The Erotic Dreams of a Menopausal Housewife)

EXTRACT FROM

    PRACTICE TALES

The Naked Lady

    Mr.B is not the healthiest or strongest of men. He has suffered two heart attacks, undergone coronary artery bypass graft surgery, suffers from congestive cardiac failure, is overweight and occasionally develops angina. He lives alone in a small flat.

    One morning he noted the arrival of the mailman, and headed down to collect his letters. Meeting an elderly neighbour at the letterbox, he chatted for ten minutes or so before returning to his flat, where he proceeded to make himself a cup of tea.

    Just as he sat down at the kitchen table to enjoy his cuppa, he heard a noise from the bedroom, so arose to investigate. Lying on his bed was a young, nubile, naked woman.

    He retreated to the kitchen and thought carefully. The doctor hadn’t changed his medication in the past week, he wasn’t suffering from angina, he felt completely normal and therefore he didn’t think he was hallucinating.

    Mr. B. returned to the bedroom. She was still there.

    Gently, he rolled her over on to her back. She was quite limp, and her head rolled to the side. Saliva drooled from her mouth. He quite correctly decided that she was not at all well.

    Having little experience in dealing with naked ladies, he headed up the corridor to his elderly neighbour’s flat. Trying to convince her that he had a naked woman on his bed was not easy, but after some persuasion, she accompanied him back to his flat and into the bedroom. There was no one there, not even a fully dressed woman!

    Mr. B’s neighbour chided him for teasing her, and returned to her flat. Mr. B sat down at the kitchen table again, very confused. Then he heard another noise from the bathroom.

    Kneeling in front of the pedestal, vomiting her heart out into the bowl, was Mr. B’s naked lady.

    Once again he approached his neighbour. With even greater difficulty, he persuaded her to return again to his flat. There was no naked lady in the bathroom, but they found her back in the bedroom.

    After a brief examination, the neighbour decided that there was nothing she could do, so common sense prevailed, and the ambulance was called.

    While awaiting the arrival of the transport, they decided that some dignity must be maintained, and so between them, Mr. B and his neighbour attempted to manoeuvre their naked lady into one of Mr. B’s dressing gowns. This stimulation awoke the young lady, and with sudden strength and agility, she eluded her helpers, and fled from the flat and down the corridor.

    She stumbled on the stairs, enabling her elderly pursuers to catch her, and with the help of a younger resident in the block of flats, she was returned to Mr. B’s flat, and securely wrapped in one of his dressing gowns. Shortly after, the ambulance took her away.

    Mr. B sat down at the kitchen table to face a stone cold cup of tea. Fortunately, his sympathetic neighbour noted his pale face, blue lips, and the shaky hand clutching his chest. The excitement was just a little too much, but two Anginine and a good strong hot cup of tea later, he felt much better.

    The next morning a young man knocked on Mr. B’s door, with a neatly folded dressing gown over his arm. He thanked Mr. B profusely for looking after his live-in girl friend, who had become distraught the previous day and had taken an overdose of pills. This had led to her becoming confused and disoriented, but she would be recover completely in the next few days.

    Mr. B arrived in my surgery later that day for a check up, and related his story. He felt it was quite interesting to have a naked young lady on his bed, but not too often, as he didn’t think his heart could stand such a shock more than once every week or two!

This material © Copyright Medwords